How to relieve myself?

If I don’t have a natural word to say. Will I have to make the word as if creating whatever happened to me?

I shall create whatever happened to me. Only because life cannot be retold. Life is not livable. I shall have to create atop life. And without lying. Create yes, lie no.

Creating isn’t imagination, it’s taking the great risk of grasping reality.

Understanding is a creation, my only way. I’ll have to make the effort to translate telegraph signals — to translate the unknown into a language I don’t speak, and without even understanding what the signals mean.